If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
