just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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