so explain again why im purple
no
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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