Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
