barbara walters just said penis...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
