I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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