We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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