I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
