I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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