Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
nutella sex= disaster
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
