When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
