The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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