dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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