just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
