he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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