My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
