It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
