I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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