Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
