Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
