I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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