either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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