Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize