So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize