So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
