so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
