Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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