Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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