The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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