sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
