We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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