guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
