Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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