Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
