At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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