I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize