After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You are the jesus of drinking
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
