you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
