The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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