i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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