Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
