forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
