can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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