People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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