I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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