Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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