"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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