i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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