He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
