haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
