My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize