So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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