It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
