You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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