Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
