Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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