Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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