All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We left the knife in your bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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