I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
