My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
