Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
