google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
