do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
