Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
