I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
