fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
