i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
