i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
