I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
