I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think my moral compass just broke
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