Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
