I need to stop coming to work sober
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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