How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
