you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize