Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
