im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Screwed.edu
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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