Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
