it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
