New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize