Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
