I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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