I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
