We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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