we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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