We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
