shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize