ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
