Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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