theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
