She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
