No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
