Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
