I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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