She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
