I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
