Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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