STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
