My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
